The Joy of Good Enough

"Would that there were an award for people who come to understand the concept of enough. Good enough. Successful enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Socially responsible enough. When you have self-respect, you have enough." Gail Sheehy, 1937

In my early thirties I was blessed beyond measure by the opportunity to work with Angela Blanchard. Angela was my boss for most of my five years at Neighborhood Centers Inc. (NCI), a dynamic and effective social service organization serving Houston's poorest communities. She was a generous boss who artfully and lovingly mentored me. And she has become one of my most trusted and beloved friends.

While at NCI Angela not only helped me see and understand the value of the work I was doing, she taught me to "Take the 98%." She used to chide me that she wasn't going to hire anymore A students because they (meaning me) often are so obsessed with getting it perfect that they miss the deadline. Rather than trying to get a 100% every time she taught me that if it's late, or misses it's window, it's a zero - so be satisfied with the 98% and get it in on time.

I don't know whether Angela knows how deeply I have been touched by all she taught me while I was at NCI. This lesson in particular opened a space for joy in my life that had been missing. Constantly striving to do it better, make it more and more perfect, robbed me of a sense of accomplishment. There was always something to fix, some new nuance to add.

I believe that kicking the perfectionist habit is one of the key steps on the path to a more joyful life.

One book I read years ago to assist me with this suggested I leave the bed unmade for a week to practice not being perfect. Perhaps this may seem silly to you, but for me it was a tough assignment. (See my post on joy and housework). I was able to do it and it gave me a new sense of freedom. It's not that I stopped making my bed from then on, but it changed how I felt about it. Rather than being something I did on auto-pilot because of some unconscious need for order and/or approval, now I made my bed as a gift to myself. And if there was a day I was running late I could choose to leave it unmade without feeling stressed by it, to creating more stress by forcing myself to do it hurriedly before leaving the house.

Often motherhood changes our ability to keep up with it all, but it may not change our perceptions of whether we should be keeping up with it all. This is one of the greatest joy-stealers of all time in my book. When I was overly concerned about getting it all exactly right, else suffer a loss of my esteem in my own eyes, my focus was in the wrong place. I was squarely in my ego rather than living from my Essence, my soul.

When the Divine is at the center of one's life, it's much easier to sense when we are tromping down the path of perfectionism and missing the beauty and joy of life. Excellence at the expenses of a life of joy is mis-guided. Excellence that brings joy is on target.

I have found this to be a good measuring stick. For example, I am nearly done refinishing an antique Duncan Phyfe table and four chairs. It has been a lot of work and also a lot of joy. The attention to detail, picking every last bit of the latex paint that has covered this gorgeous set out of every nook and cranny has taken months. I have really given it my all to get it an clean as possible, even in places that won't be visible unless you remove the seat cushion. It has been for me a mindfulness activity, so doing it as perfectly as possible has brought me joy. I always knew when to stop or take a break if I felt the joy waning. And I also took the 98% on my re-upholstery job. Which, even with some slight wrinkling, I know is truly good enough.

So what do you think? Are you up for taking the 98%? What will you do today that you will allow to be good enough, even if it isn't perfect?

Have fun and be joyful!

PS - HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beloved brother Steve. You are a true light in my life. I love you and I celebrate with countless others this day that you were born to us. What a gift you are!