Joy & Kindness

We vow to bring joy to one person in the morning, and to ease the pain of one person in the afternoon. We know that the happiness of others is indeed our own happiness, and we vow to practice joy on the path of service. We know that every word, every look, every smile can bring happiness to another person. We know that if we practice wholeheartedly, then we ourselves may become an inexhaustible source of peace and joy for our clients, our customers, our coworkers, our family, and our friends. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

How amazing would life be if each of us did this?

What I am thinking about today is how much being kind to people increases my personal joy. There are times when a situation may not seem conducive to kindness, when I have been hurt or wronged in some way - real or perceived. But it is in just these situations where I get the most joy from acting with kindness.

That's not to say it's always easy. While I had excellent models of duty and service growing up, it wasn't often done with kindness. Or at least it didn't seem so to me. I remember often feeling like there was a giant unknown price tag for the good that came my way. If someone was doing something nice for me, doing me a favor, I was acutely aware of how much it was "putting them out" to give to me. I began to imagine this was true for everyone who gave to me. This often made it impossible to fully accept their gifts.

Later I could see how my own ability to give had been affected. I often gave from a place of duty, but it wasn't with a free or loving heart. I gave even when it wasn't good for me to give. Often it was to feel accepted by someone, or to earn love, respect, attention, etc. I gave to the point of losing myself. And being lost I was incapable of real kindness to myself or others.

I began to notice how stingy I was with my love, with kind words, or with praise. Whether it was my attitude toward myself or others, I was not soft. I was prickly. One day I was drying off after a shower when I became aware of how roughly I was scrubbing myself with the towel. I realized that even in the smallest of ways I had no idea how to be nurturing to myself, to treat myself gently and with kindness. No wonder it was hard for me to treat others that way. While I always had jobs that served others (as a teacher, non-profit fund-raiser, church executive), I didn't always carry them out with kindness. It wasn't enough to choose a job that "did good" if I hurt others in the doing of it.

Over the last decade I worked hard at being kind to myself. I learned how to be patient with myself and to love myself even when I was down - especially when I was down. By learning to be kind to myself, I stopped giving before it became dirtied by resentment or co-dependency. Then I could really give, without attachment. It seemed in practicing on myself (who was the hardest of all to love) that it became easier to be patient, kind, and loving to others.

What I have learned in my quest for joy is that the act of kindness itself brings joy. I have had the profound experience of knowing that all the love I ever need is inside of me and that the fastest, most reliable way to feel love is to send it out, to give it away - freely. Indeed the supply of it is inexhaustible. In fact the more I give it away the more I have to give.

I invite you to try it with me. Let us be absurdly kind today. Let us give kindness with abandon, to ourselves and to others. Let it fall from our mouths and pour from our hands like the rain from the greatest storm to ever come from the heavens. Let us bathe the world in our loving kindness. In so doing our hearts too will be flooded with joy.