Joy & Kindness

We vow to bring joy to one person in the morning, and to ease the pain of one person in the afternoon. We know that the happiness of others is indeed our own happiness, and we vow to practice joy on the path of service. We know that every word, every look, every smile can bring happiness to another person. We know that if we practice wholeheartedly, then we ourselves may become an inexhaustible source of peace and joy for our clients, our customers, our coworkers, our family, and our friends. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

How amazing would life be if each of us did this?

What I am thinking about today is how much being kind to people increases my personal joy. There are times when a situation may not seem conducive to kindness, when I have been hurt or wronged in some way - real or perceived. But it is in just these situations where I get the most joy from acting with kindness.

That's not to say it's always easy. While I had excellent models of duty and service growing up, it wasn't often done with kindness. Or at least it didn't seem so to me. I remember often feeling like there was a giant unknown price tag for the good that came my way. If someone was doing something nice for me, doing me a favor, I was acutely aware of how much it was "putting them out" to give to me. I began to imagine this was true for everyone who gave to me. This often made it impossible to fully accept their gifts.

Later I could see how my own ability to give had been affected. I often gave from a place of duty, but it wasn't with a free or loving heart. I gave even when it wasn't good for me to give. Often it was to feel accepted by someone, or to earn love, respect, attention, etc. I gave to the point of losing myself. And being lost I was incapable of real kindness to myself or others.

I began to notice how stingy I was with my love, with kind words, or with praise. Whether it was my attitude toward myself or others, I was not soft. I was prickly. One day I was drying off after a shower when I became aware of how roughly I was scrubbing myself with the towel. I realized that even in the smallest of ways I had no idea how to be nurturing to myself, to treat myself gently and with kindness. No wonder it was hard for me to treat others that way. While I always had jobs that served others (as a teacher, non-profit fund-raiser, church executive), I didn't always carry them out with kindness. It wasn't enough to choose a job that "did good" if I hurt others in the doing of it.

Over the last decade I worked hard at being kind to myself. I learned how to be patient with myself and to love myself even when I was down - especially when I was down. By learning to be kind to myself, I stopped giving before it became dirtied by resentment or co-dependency. Then I could really give, without attachment. It seemed in practicing on myself (who was the hardest of all to love) that it became easier to be patient, kind, and loving to others.

What I have learned in my quest for joy is that the act of kindness itself brings joy. I have had the profound experience of knowing that all the love I ever need is inside of me and that the fastest, most reliable way to feel love is to send it out, to give it away - freely. Indeed the supply of it is inexhaustible. In fact the more I give it away the more I have to give.

I invite you to try it with me. Let us be absurdly kind today. Let us give kindness with abandon, to ourselves and to others. Let it fall from our mouths and pour from our hands like the rain from the greatest storm to ever come from the heavens. Let us bathe the world in our loving kindness. In so doing our hearts too will be flooded with joy.

Joy, Housework, a Devil, and a Dervish

Until last week I would have thought it strange to put the words joy and housework together. I have always considered housework as a necessity and something I wanted to do. But my desire to do the housework was all about enjoying the results. I love the feeling of a tidy clean space.

You can ask Toby about our early days together and how I would turn into a kind of reverse Tasmanian Devil spinning and sweeping though the house feverishly putting things away so I could find the floor to vacuum, often feeling quite angry about the mess (see Taz video at end of post). In recent years I have relaxed about it enough so that I can still be comfortable if the house is a bit out of sorts. I think having a child is a natural antidote for the neat-freak compulsion. It sure has made life with me easier for my not-so-neat-freak husband.

But even with my new laid-back approach to home neatness, I still reach a point where I look around at the "chaos" and I am unable to do anything else until the house has been put back in some semblance of order. I call this hitting "the mess wall." This usually happens about once a week or maybe every 5 days depending on how hectic life has been and how much has been left to fall where it may. Keep in mind I work from home, so if the house is a mess, so is my office (and vice versa I might add!). There is no escape for me!

Then this magical shift happened. It was a week ago today. I wanted to meditate, but I had hit "the mess wall" so there was no way I could sit and be still with my environment in such a state. I only had an hour and a half before I needed to get to work - not enough time to clean up and meditate. I decided I would try to make my housework the meditation. I lit some incense, put on my new favorite meditation music by Deuter, took some slow deep centering breaths, connected with the Divine, and dove in.

I began with the pile of unfolded clothes on the couch. As I folded Toby's t-shirts I thought about how much I love him. I thought of all the ways he is such an incredible person, husband, father. I focused on sending loving energy into the clothes as I touched them and envisioned him wearing them with joy and in safety. I did the same for Sophia's clothes and even my own. By the time I was done my heart was so full of love and in such an expanded state I felt like I was floating. As I moved around the house putting things away, everything I touched filled me with a sense of gratitude and joy.

I put away items given to Sophia by her grandparents and I thought of how much I love them and how grateful I am for them. I washed dishes feeling grateful I had food to eat and running water in my home. I made the beds grateful for the comfort and beauty of the beds and the bedrooms. On and on it went. I didn't want to stop.

I found myself tackling big messes, like the piles on my desk, which I had been putting off organizing for months. Every time I touched my work I felt love and gratitude for my clients. I felt intense joy that I get paid to do what I love. I was even able to make decisions about things that had been left out forever because I just didn't know what do to with them.

I was having a radically different inner dialog with myself and my surroundings. It seemed crazy to me that I would have ever touched the things in my home with anything other than love and gratitude in my heart. I was shocked when I remembered the way I would normally think and feel while putting away Toby and Sophie's things. Housecleaning had been a time for angry, resentful, victim thoughts like, "Why can't they put away their own stuff? Who am I, their maid? Why is it always me doing all the housework?"

When I felt the power of focusing on my love for them, on infusing their things with that love and joy, I knew I could never go back to the negative, angry, resentful way. I resolved to practice housecleaning as a mindfulness meditation or to not do it at all. I committed to exuding love into my home through this activity. And I went on for another hour loving my home into order. The feeling was exquisite. Several times I was moved to tears by the love I felt for my family and the gratitude I felt for the blessings in my life. The state of joy and peace I had created lasted the entire day.

Over this last week I have had the chance to put this new practice to the test. I had a few moments where the old dialog tried to come back as I put away the same things again (and again) but I had an effective tool for cutting it off - LOVE.

The reverse Tasmanian Devil has become a Whiling Dervish. Like mystical spiritual practice of the Mevlevi Order in the Sufi tradition called The Sema (see video below), I have discovered that being in motion and dancing with DIVINE LOVE while I do housework brings me great joy and deep peace.

Housework and joy are now synonymous for me - if I let them be. Wow - who'd have thunk it?

MORE ON TAZ
In case you have forgotten what TAZ, Tasmanian Devil, can be like here's the original Bugs Bunny cartoon. Enjoy :)



MORE ON THE SEMA
The Sema represents a mystical journey of man's spiritual ascent through mind and love to "Perfect." Turning towards the truth, the follower grows through love, deserts his ego, finds the truth and arrives at the "Perfect." He then returns from this spiritual journey as a man who has reached maturity and a greater perfection, so as to love and to be of service to the whole of creation. Click here for more from Wikipedia.

Here's a short video clip:

My Joy Guru

Children can teach us so much about joy and authentic self expression, especially when they are encouraged to trust themselves. Loving and living with my daughter Sophia is one of the most significant ways that I experience joy. She is, in fact, my Joy Guru.

As I watch her sense of freedom to be fully herself I learn. I learn about myself, and about how much more I have to live into myself.

I watch her hop and jump all over the living room. She runs back and forth, back and forth, making sounds of pure delight. There's no "reason" that I can see that she moves her body in this way - other than she clearly enjoys it. And of course, no one tells her to stop it or suggests it's strange. She agreed to let me film one of her romps - the video appears below.

Sophie simply loves to express her joy and sense of fulfillment.

We noticed early on that she tends to hum or make noises of enjoyment while she eats. I am sure some parents would think such sounds at the table are bad manners. Toby and I think it's cute. More than that, we value it as a way she is authentically expressing her experience. We made a conscious decision not to quash it. Only on rare occasions when we share meals with others and she starts with the yummy sounds do I hear the voice of my internal critic wondering if others will think she's weird. Sophie isn't in the least bit worried about this. She just goes on eating and humming...and saying "It's delicious mommy!"

Yes, my Guru, I am watching you. I am learning. And I am inspired to be more of who I am and less worried about what others think.

I hope I will always find ways to reinforce Sophia's budding sense of self and encourage her continued joyful self-expression - including when it's time to set or enforce family boundaries.

"You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again." ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762

MORE ON JOY AND CHILDREN
My film "Let Us Be Healed," featuring images set to the song Healing Room by Sinaed O'Connor, is about connecting to the Divine within and how the innocence of children can often be a doorway to that part of ourselves that remains free and true.

The Joy of Health

It seems like ages since someone in our house hasn't been sniffling, coughing, or dealing with ear aches and sinus trouble. I was vexed. Everyone gets a cold once in a while, but why is it that we can't seem to get well?

As many of you know we eat a pretty healthy diet around here. We are modified vegetarians (we eat fish) and modified vegans (we eat eggs), which means: no meat (other than fish), no dairy products, very few sweets/snacks and lots of veggies. We take probiotics and vitamins regularly. We also eat mostly organic and natural foods and avoid almost all processed and packaged foods, including soy-based fake meats (although we do enjoy the occasional veggie version of Sloppy Joes).

So...what's been going on?

Well joy of joys Toby has finally figured it out! Last June we had a washing machine malfunction that caused flooding in our apartment. The carpet in the dining, living and main hall areas, as well as Sophie's bedroom and closet were all soaked. While our complex did everything they could to dry it, clean it, and treat the floor, pad and rug so it wouldn't mold or mildew, according to Toby's nose their efforts were not successful. This is bad news since we all have high allergic reactions to mold and mildew.

Today I will be approaching them to request the carpet be replaced. I am sure they would have done it when I asked last June if it hadn't been new when we moved in last February.

In any case, I am so elated to have found the probable cause of our health issues that I am prepared to offer to pay for new carpet myself. Now of course I won't go in with that offer. First I am going to see if they will do it on their own, then I'll offer to split it. Only as a last resort will I suggest that we will foot the entire bill. But if it comes to that I really don't care. I am just so grateful that we may have some light at the end of our mucus-filled tunnel (eeeew gross!).

I am not worried that we are dealing with the "black mold" that is so dangerous. At least I hope we are not. It's more likely just your average house-hold mildew that's causing the problem. I will probably have someone come out and clean the AC ducts as well - just in case. We'll have to see when the carpet comes up.

And so life goes on...each day presenting a choice. Why be angry or upset about the hassle and expense of replacing the carpet when we can celebrate finding and eradicating the likely source of our stuffy heads! Why be resentful that they didn't change the carpet to begin with as I had asked when we can look forward freedom from hacking all night!

And just think of the old-growth trees that will be saved from our reduced Kleenex use.

Yes, there is much to celebrate this morning!

Naturally, I'll keep you posted on how things turn out...